Panic Day

So today is my panic day. The first panic came when I walked into the bathroom at work, looked at myself in the mirror and noticed my face is getting fatter. Which really makes sense, because I've been drinking a lot of soda, not exercising, and not really watching what I eat. So really I shouldn't be surprised. But I was shocked. Rick says he hasn't noticed and my co-worker says I'm crazy....fat doesn't magically appear. Which makes sense, but I still freaked out!

My next freak out episode was when I went to change backup tapes. I grabbed Tuesdays, put it back in our storage area and froze. I could swear today is Tuesday....but how could that be if I have Tuesday's tape in my hand? So I double checked the calender and yes, it is Wed. This combined with other various mishaps has gotten me to worry about my memory/thinking abilities. For instance on Fri. I talked to Rick's Mom during the day. She told me to call her when we knew when we'd have the U-haul. Come Sat. morning Rick called her wondering where she was. Yup, I forgot to call her. Other instances have happened when someone will tell me something and I forget it in minutes. I think some brain stimulating activities are in order. I'm only 27 I should not have this bad of memory.

I've calmed down from my freak outs now, all is good.....tomorrow I start my workout routine again, I should feel more normal in a couple weeks!

Hell week

So, this week has been particularly fun. We got the keys to the house on Sunday and took a load of boxes over. The sellers didn't get everything out until 8:00pm because it was raining that day and their stuff was all put into a Pod that would be stored for 2 weeks, so they didn't want it to get wet and moldy. Personally, they should have gotten the thing earlier. I wanted the keys to MY house.

After actually seeing the rooms with nothing in them we decided that we didn't like the color of the master bedroom ~ a Coca-Cola red color, so we were going to paint it. I wanted to get it painted prior to moving things in to make it easier. So that became my main project for the week. I got the primer done on Tues, the first coat done on Wed, and just have the final coat to do.....sometime before Friday. The color we agreed on was a shade of gray. I was a little apprehensive of painting the room gray, but I think it looks pretty darn good and it will look even better with our burgandy bedspread.

While doing the painting I noticed one of the Hildebrandt traits coming out. I have a pic of me when I was little, doing something in the kitchen, and my tongue is out just a little. I also have a pic of my Dad doing something on the stairwell to the basement, with his tongue out. Had anyone been in the room with me they could have gotten another pic of me with my tongue out many times! I guess I never outgrew that habit. :P

Since I've been putting in extra hours at work this week I'm hoping to leave early tomorrw so I can get the painting done before my Sister comes to help me move. Then the rest of the weekend will be all about the moving/unpacking. What Fun!!!! I'm exhausted already and can't wait until I can slow down and just relax. Too bad Sept. is a black out month for us here at work. I could use the extra day.

Cheers! H.

Insecurities

Last night and today I have been very insecure. No reason in particular, just feel that way. I feel like a damn teenager again or something. Shouldn't there come an age where that just goes away and you feel all better about yourself and relationships you're in?

Things with Rick and I have been good, so it's not like somethings going on that would cause me to feel this way, I just don't get it.

Actually I think it might be lack of sex. I'm horrible at turning him on, had the same problem with my ex too, so I'm pretty sure it's me. Is it my timid personality? Is it my weight? Inexperience? Lack of imagination in that area? I have no clue. I'm frustrated sexually and in whatever other way(s) you can be. Sigh. The details of the frequency of my sex life are pathetic, and against the common misconception it's not because I don't want it, it's the opposite I want it all the time, he wants it never.

That's my little rant and rave for the day.