Thoughts on Rhianna's Interview

So last night 20/20 had the special interview on with Rhianna. I was interested in hearing what she had to say given my past experiences. I DVR'd the show and I'm watching it now.

She made one comment that stuck out to me. She said that when he was doing this to her he blacked out, there was no sole in his eyes. I wonder if this is something that is common in these situations? From my past experiences it happens every time. There's nothing there, it's like they become a different person.

At another point she was talking about the events as they happened. She mentioned that while it's happening you just wonder when it will end and you know that the only way it's going to stop is if someone hears you screaming and calls the cops. So you scream. He yells at you to stop screaming but you can't because you know that it's the only way it's gonna stop. However, this is rarely the case. Of all the times I've been in a situation like this living in apartments no one called the cops. I find that fact truly amazing. You hear a woman screaming, you hear banging and still don't call the cops. To me, society is messed up in this respect.

She said she after it happened she wanted it to go away. She said you push it to the back of your mind and lie to yourself. This is true, you push it back in your mind, you just want to forget about it and return back to normal life as you know it. You also wonder what you possibly could have done to have him do this to you. This is something that I've wondered to this day, and I can never figure it out.

She talked about the pain after the fact. The wounds heal, bruises heal, broken bones heal, but the pain and emotional scars come back whether you like it or not. That is true, the littlest things can and will trigger the memories of what happened and I don't know if this ever stops.

She also talked about if she thinks it's possible for a person to change. I agree with her opinion. She said yes people can change it is possible, but they have to WANT to do it. The only way anyone is going to change anything about them is if they want to do it.

I think one of the best things that Rhianna said was "this happened to me.....I didn't cause this". That is so important to remember. You don't do this to yourself, it happens to you.

All in all I found her interview interesting and sobering. I think all women who have been in this situation can agree and relate to what she had to say.

Pysical Assessment

Today was my initial meeting/assessment with my personal trainer. I had a great time! I wasn't surprised by the results, they were pretty much where I expected them to be.

My body composition is 32%. The target range for my age group is 22%. However my trainer, Emily, said that being in the 20's would be considered healthy. So I have a little work to get there, then I can work on my target goal.

My waist to hip ratio is a little small which is on the bad side, so I will be working on my core to get that ratio bigger.

She had me do a plank test to see where I was at with my core strength. I was able to hold the plank pose for 52 seconds. For a woman the average should be 2 min. I'm almost 1/2 way there! The side plank pose was the next test...I held this one for 16 seconds. The average is 45 seconds for this test.

Then she had me do some squats so she could check some things there. I did good with those! My form was good, just leaning forward a bit too much.

Lastly she had me do one legged squats. I'm super wobbly with these! No balance! But my squat was good.

She has a better idea of where to start with me now, but we didn't get to finish the assessment because there was a spin class in the usual assessment room. I have an appt to finish the assessment Tuesday before Dance It Off! Then I can really get started with my training program!

I cannot wait to get going on this. I had a great time and really like my trainer!

One Month and Al's Run

One month ago I committed to changing my lifestyle and becoming healthier. It's been a roller coaster to say the least! I've made great strides in that short amount of time. From making better decisions about what I eat to being able to jog for 20 min straight on the treadmill! The scale has not been my friend, but we're working on that! I haven't gotten a chance to do my normal weigh in for the day but the one I do in the morning was promising! According to that scale first thing in the morning I've lost 10 pounds in the last month! W00t! I also took my measurements and lost 2" in my waist and 1.5" in my hips!

To celebrate my accomplishments I've decided to take part in the Briggs & Al's Run & Walk for Children's Hospital. There running and walking options. I don't quite feel up to doing the running yet, so I've chosen to do a walk. The walk options are 3 and 5 miles. I do about 3 miles every day with the dogs so I figure I will try the 5 mile option since it will be more of a challenge! If you would like to make a donation you can visit my Firstgiving page: http://www.firstgiving.com/hhilde99.

My journey has just begun and I look forward to all the fun and positive changes to come!

Week 4 wrap-up

This is now my 4th week eating better and going to the gym 5 days a week. Week 4 was just an "off" week. Ever had those weeks when you just feel as though something is just not right? That was this week for me. Tuesday's Dance it Off class kicked my but! We did some bridge move where you lay on your back with your feet flat on the ground and lift your butt off the ground for the entire song. I felt that move all the way through Thursday! Thursday's run was hard I had the hardest time jogging and I even walked most of the 40 min. on the treadmill and THAT was hard. Today I skipped the treadmill and used the elliptical instead. A few less calories, but a lot easier on my tired sore legs!

I did ok on my eating this week. Tried a new tuna salad recipe and just could not eat it. The fishiness made me sick, so I had to go get a sub instead. Then I created the same recipe with chicken breasts and that was all good!

My weight seems to be stuck again this week. I had a couple nights where I didn't get a good night's sleep and I know that plays a part in it. However, I am a bit frustrated. To help with this aspect I've decided I would use my recent bonus from work to hire a personal trainer at my gym. She's actually the instructor for the Dance it Off class I take twice a week. The lady at the check-in desk said people usually go for 30 min sessions to start off with. So I purchased a package of 10 (30 min) sessions. I start off with the assessment next Friday then we'll start training from there. I'm pretty excited about this!

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

Changing My Life One Step At A Time

About 3 weeks ago I made a decision that I was going to change the things I do not like in my life that I have control over. One of these changes was my weight. Weight has been something I've struggled with all of my life. And as I'm getting older I'm starting to notice the effects the extra weight is having on my body. The one thin I noticed that really pushed me into making this decision was the pain in my hips. It was getting to the point where I had a hard time taking the dogs to the park, something they needed an I enjoyed. I knew from previous experience that it had to do with my weight, so I decided to make the commitment to changing my eating and exercise habits. Almost 1 month later and I don't have that pain in my hips anymore, I have more energy, and I can even jog for 20 min straight - something I have never ever done my entire life! For 3 weeks now we have only eaten out once a week instead of 3+ times a week. I feel awesome about that change as well and we're saving a ton of money! Who doesn't like that in times like this!

I have also decided to do something about my "style" or lack there of. 95% of the time my attire is jeans and plain old t-shirts. I feel frumpy in this attire. So my goal here is to gradually replace my t-shirts with other types of shirts. Out of each paycheck I will be purchasing 2 new shirts that are not t-shirts. This weekend I'll have my work cut out for me! I didn't purchase any new shirts out of my last check therefore, I have to find 4 that I like. This is not a easy task for me as there are certain features I do not like to show.....such as this muffin top. LOL! I did purchase 2 new shirts a few weeks back and I just feel different wearing them, so this will help that frumpy feeling as well.

Next stop is my hair. I want to do something different with it, I just don't know what. I have a natural curl to it, which hinders a lot of styles you see in magazines etc. It just does what it wants when it wants to! And I can't even THINK about bangs...unless I want to spend HOURS trying to get them to sit right and not do a spiral curl! I am also very low maintenance on my hair. I prefer a brush and go tactic, most of the time without blow-drying. So this change is just going to hang out there for a while, until I can figure out what to do with it!

My last change thus far really has nothing to do with my life really, but it makes me feel good anyways. I've started using the reusable shopping bags when doing grocery shopping. I just feel good not wasting all those plastic bags anymore helping the environment.

The Barking

With the current living arrangement Bella has developed a new habit - Barking! This started on Sunday. It was really bad that day, she barked at anyone that walked by, anyone she could hear, and the neighbor behind us cause she could see people in their driveway. Very frustrating to say the least. Perhaps she picked up on the fact that I was a little anxious about being home by myself.

She's gotten better about the barking in the evening. Once I go to bed it's a different story! For the last 3 nights she has barked from 9 -12. Since the house is on a semi-busy street there are a lot of people that walk by, mostly a lot of teens now that it's summer. Every time she hears someone talking outside she barks and her barks are loud, so it startles me and it takes a bit to fall back to sleep. Day 3 and I'm exhausted! I appreciate the warning from her, but it would be SO much better if she kept it to when something is actually going on in our yard and not just people walking by! Hopefully this is just part of the adjustment process and she'll ease up with this eventually. I will also talk to her trainer tonight at CGC class.

As far as things with me are going. I have my ups and downs. Sometimes I'll randomly want to break into tears, and sometimes I enjoy the single life. It is a healing process, and a whole new experience since I've never ever lived by myself! I've noticed that each little task I complete on my own is a real confidence booster! I can only hope that Rick can find the good in this situation too. I don't know how much he knows about what's going to happen so I can't write too much about it, but I know that in the end everything will be fine.

What a difference

So, last week was my first week FLYing. I can say it's made a HUGE difference already. In a matter of a week I got my house to the point where I am comfortable having people stop over at random. I can see my kitchen counters...ALL of them! My bathroom gets a light cleaning every night. And the biggest/best benefit of all is I did not spend all weekend doing laundry! I've been doing 1 load a night since Wed last week, so by time Saturday came I had just 1 load of whites to do and I got that cleaned and put away first thing! This cleared the way for me to get the kitchen in order and get out and have some fun!

On Saturday I went to 7 mile fair with Rick, his Mom, his Grandma, and his Mom's friend. While there I got wind of a bit of drama that may be surrounding our House Warming party this weekend. In a nutshell, both Rick's biological Grandparents will be there in the same house at the same time. There are really bad vibes between the two and they have not seen each other in years...(at least 23). I believe it should go fine, we're all adults, but I still have a bad feeling about it. We will see.

I'm getting excited for the next couple of weekends. This up coming weekend is our housewarming/Rick's b-day party. Then the following weekend is my 10 year (gasp) class reunion. I will be heading up to Hudson on Thursday and not coming back until Monday. I'm looking forward to getting away for a while! Rick and I discussed this weekend and decided it's more important to have some time apart than to go to this reunion together. I will be taking the dogs with me to give him a break from them as well. All in all it should be a good couple weekends coming up!